When we hear that we have free speech, what does that mean to you? Do you know the difference between free speech and defamation?

If you do not, it may be worth educating yourself, as I and many of those I hold dear have been doing for nearly a year. Why? Because there are people out there who do not like it when we go against the family "speak," the "family culture," you know, the #familycult.

Did you know that every 10 seconds, a report of abuse is filed and that over 4 million cases happen in the US, and over 7 million children are involved?

Did you know that over 5 million acts of domestic violence occur yearly to women aged 18 and older?

Did you know that the number for men is 3 million?

Sit with these numbers for a moment.

Do you know the term IPV?

The layers of dysfunction in our families grow generation by generation until we choose to change and stop the toxicity.

How do we see the layers of family dysfunction (#Familycult) in our world today? For a moment, look back at your childhood. Did both of your parents meet your wants and needs? Did you have unconditionally loving parents who acknowledged you, listened to you, were present, guided not dictate what your life would be like, and were always supportive to your choices? Did you live in a home free from spanking, time-outs, authoritarian parenting, being told how to dress, wear your hair, and who your friends could and could not be? Was there emotional, physical, and sexual abuse? What about competition between siblings, or even you against one of your parents?

I've been blessed to have Liana Shanti as a teacher, mentor, and friend. She has taught me so much in the 10 years I have known her, and I owe her gratitude and much more for where my life is today.

Everything I do in my life today directly results from everything she teaches, exemplifies, and challenges her student to be and do. It wasn't long ago she asked me if I had even given thought to be a guide for family cult recovery. In words she was using, I hadn't, but the content, most definitely. I agreed on the spot, and this page and corresponding business were born.

Research shows that approximately 20% of children are exposed daily to inappropriate sexual activity in their homes. Remember, research can only state what has been reported. Some experts in the field of sexual abuse feel the number is 50% or higher.

What is considered a sexually inappropriate activity? Sexually inappropriate activities include seeing sexual acts in person, in magazines, or online. Consider explicit pop-up ads on a free game, videos showcasing children’s cartoon characters in adult situations, or a forum promoting self-harm. Innocent searches can expose children to content that can make them feel upset and confused. Add in pornography that may be on an adult's phone or computer.

Many of us are more apt to say "yes" than "no." It is engrained to put others before ourselves for many of us in all we do. Some of us may just keep our mouths shut rather than speak up, as we do not want anyone upset with us. Add to that; we often have no idea what our wants, needs, preferences, and desires are, let alone ask them to be met. We don't ask even when we know what is best for us. Why do we do this? 

And then we wonder why our lives our stuck or feel like we are not going forward.

Everywhere we look in our lives, we feel frustrated, misunderstood, or always in conflict. Why? Because we do not have appropriate boundaries, or maybe we have no ideas how to set them.

Do you know what a double bind is? By definition it a situation in which a person is confronted with two irreconcilable demands or a choice between two undesirable courses of action.

How does that pertain to family cult?

Its in the mixed messages we receive. Often we are told who we must love in our family cults. How often did you hear, of course, you must love your mother. Yet, at times, you saw your mother not being present with you, often engaged in her phone or an activity and not aware you are talking to her. How about when she rolls her eyes at you, or inflicts a consequence which is actually a punishment that harmed you (spanking, time out, left in your room, or hit with a belt or switch).

In a family cult, all members interact with one another based upon the rules set up by the parents or possibly the grandparents, as all behaviors are based down, generation to generation. Whenever something happens to one member of the family cult, it affects all the interactions of the rest of the family. Boundaries, or lack of them, are set in the family by these interactions.

Within the family are patterns that the parents have set. These interactions shift and change over time. Often these patterns expand, and alliances begin to build in the family. For instance, a pattern or alliance may build between the mother and the oldest child against the father. I know this is a pattern well, as my mother did this to me. You may also see an alliance in which siblings join to go against the parents. In family cults, many patterns and alliances emerge when challenges, change, and crises come along.

I feel I grew up in a dysfunctional family, but I am unsure. If I did, does that fit the definition you are using for a family cult?

To answer the second question first. If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, it fits the definition of a family cult. Unless you have healed all of the traits of dysfunctional families, your childhood trauma, and wounding, you will find you are still in a dysfunctional family unit(s)—the one you were born into and the family you have created.

You will find many definitions of dysfunctional families. A standard explanation is that a dysfunctional family is one where there is a lot of conflict, misbehavior, or abuse. In these families, relationships are usually tense. There may be a lot of yelling and screaming. Overall, if you look closely at the dynamics, there will be neglect and what many would call adverse treatment.

Once I released the program Family Cult Recovery, my inbox began filling up with questions and comments. I had numerous questions about where I came up with the idea a family is a cult. I didn’t come up with the idea. It is just a fact.

A cult, by definition, is a social group that is defined by its unusual religious, spiritual, or philosophical beliefs and rituals, or its common interest in a particular personality, object, or goal. The family would fit the definition unless you grew up in a home where your parents had healed all of their childhood woundings. Healed parents happen so seldom, yet most of us are not even aware of how much childhood trauma/wounding we carry as what we grew up in is our normal.

Do you know if this program is for me? I have had over 30 messages asking this question this morning. So, I decided to answer it here.

First, this isn't a healing program. To heal the wounds that we have from being raised in unhealthy family systems, I suggest the work of Liana Shanti. Her mother wound, father wound, and healing from narcissism are core wound healing programs. There is no need for me or anyone else to duplicate what thousands of us know works.

If you were to study family systems, the first thing you learn is that in this system there is a hierarchy of the parent's being at the top and the children underneath. In this system, the parents have all the power. They make the choices about everything and if you as the child do not follow the rules you will be shut down. Think about it. You are given a name, a culture, a language, told where you're going to school, where you are going to live, which bedroom you are going to sleep in, which friends are acceptable, and even what kind of clothes you can wear.

Even as you are growing up, ask yourself, how often your voice was appreciated, listened to, validated, or made you feel empowered?