Do you suffer from a “need to please”?

Many of us are more apt to say "yes" than "no." It is engrained to put others before ourselves for many of us in all we do. Some of us may just keep our mouths shut rather than speak up, as we do not want anyone upset with us. Add to that; we often have no idea what our wants, needs, preferences, and desires are, let alone ask them to be met. We don't ask even when we know what is best for us. Why do we do this? 

And then we wonder why our lives our stuck or feel like we are not going forward.

Everywhere we look in our lives, we feel frustrated, misunderstood, or always in conflict. Why? Because we do not have appropriate boundaries, or maybe we have no ideas how to set them.

Stress, anxiety, depression, or sleep disturbances will soon follow. Soon after, autoimmune disorders and other maladies will follow. All because we lack boundaries and deny ourselves an opportunity, to be honest about who we are and open up to others accepting us.

Boundaries are taught and modeled in childhood. How we connect and interact in every relationship we have is based on how we saw our family set boundaries among themselves and with others when we were growing up.

Once we realize the lack of healthy boundaries is disruptive in all phases of our lives, we can choose to change them.

To begin changing boundaries, look for patterns. Do you constantly put everyone's wants and needs before yours (yes, I'll go to dinner, yes, I'll take on that project- when you have no desire to do ether)? Do you rush to make decisions without establishing boundaries? Is your communication clear?

A great way to understand if you have any boundaries or not is to look back at your birth family. When you were growing up, was it stressful, toxic, unhealthy, or did you feel uncomfortable? If so, if you visit again, remove yourself. Stay at a hotel, and have a great time. Be prepared for pushback, but hold your ground. You are now an adult. This is a boundary. In setting boundaries, we state our wants and needs and communicate how things will be based on our choices.

#familycult #dysfunctionalfamilies #unspokenrules #closedsystems #narcissisticpatterns #boundaries #codependency #enmeshment #selfworth #resucuing #unhealthyrelationships