What are double binds and have you experienced them?

Do you know what a double bind is?  By definition it a situation in which a person is confronted with two irreconcilable demands or a choice between two undesirable courses of action.

How does that pertain to family cult?

Its in the mixed messages we receive.  Often we are told who we must love in our family cults.  How often did you hear, of course, you must love your mother.  Yet, at times, you saw your mother not being present with you, often engaged in her phone or an activity and not aware you are talking to her.  How about when she rolls her eyes at you, or inflicts a consequence which is actually a punishment that harmed you (spanking, time out, left in your room, or hit with a belt or switch).

An example I heard earlier today was of a parent who would say to a child, you have (fill in the blank with a time) to escape me before punishing you and then they ensure all paths to escape are closed off. It is common in double bind situations for grooming to be present as it is a common technique with child abuses and narcissists.

A favorite in our house was stop antagonizing your brother, while knew his intent would be to continue to antagonize me, knowing he would get me into trouble as he just planted the seed.  From the statement to stop antagonizing, the wheels were set in motion.  Most of us as children stay silent and take what comes back at us.  Whereas in a healthy judgment free home, a great response from the brother would be, okday, but please hold sister responsible too.  Sadly, most of us in family cults would either be uncomfortable speaking up or know it would be overlooked or a punishment would come our way, as you did not have the freedom to speak up.

It may be time to heal the family cult. Program is available to be purchased.

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