The definition of a cult
Once I released the program Family Cult Recovery, my inbox began filling up with questions and comments. I had numerous questions about where I came up with the idea a family is a cult. I didn’t come up with the idea. It is just a fact.
A cult, by definition, is a social group that is defined by its unusual religious, spiritual, or philosophical beliefs and rituals, or its common interest in a particular personality, object, or goal. The family would fit the definition unless you grew up in a home where your parents had healed all of their childhood woundings. Healed parents happen so seldom, yet most of us are not even aware of how much childhood trauma/wounding we carry as what we grew up in is our normal.
For a moment, look back at what you remember of your childhood and ask yourself if you were given a voice to what name you went by, where you wanted to live, go to school, how to be schooled, freedom to choose activities, or quit them when you no longer liked them or were interested in them? Did you grow up in a family where you were never left to cry and never experienced physical, emotional, or sexual abuse? Are your childhood memories clear and accurate, or do you have little to no childhood memories other than the repeated stories that you now believe to be true? Were you brought up to understand you had wants and needs? Were you able to voice them and know you would be listened to and confident they would be met? Did you begin making choices and decisions with guidance only when needed, or where most of your decisions made or influenced by your family? Were your parents present? Did you feel safe at all times? Were you loved unconditionally (meaning that there were no conditions on the love you were given and no expectations of you being perfect or not having mishaps in childhood?
If you answered no to a few or more questions, you were raised in a home with a hierarchy of the parents at the top making all the decisions and choices and the children underneath. There is a strong possibility that you were raised in an authoritarian home, some of you in addictive (alcohol/drugs/eating disorders), narcissistic or abusive homes. While it may be a new term, by definition, cult works. These are not healthy homes nor unconditionally loving.
You are not alone. The majority of children are raised in homes, just like those mentioned above. I would also expect many of you are having a chat with your inner self that it wasn’t that bad. My mom/dad only hit me, put me in time out, and yelled at me when I deserved it. First, you are a child. If they treated an adult the same, there would be repercussions for them, but not in a family. All of this abuse is allowed. Hmm, why is that? Because most of the systems in our adult world work this way. We are told what to do and conform to from families to jobs, to government, medical, legal, and montetary. This happens because it has been going on in society for decades and in our families for generations. Few of us were raised to think, feel, and make decisions independently. We weren’t raised with unconditionally loving parents who gave us the space to test healthy boundaries and discuss and be heard with all of our ideas, thoughts, and choices. Nor were we supported fully 24/7 every day of the year.
While not the easiest to take in and feel, the stark reality is that this is how the majority of us were brought up. Our indoctrination began once we were born. The idea of a family system being a family cult started to circulate in my mind back in 2012-2014 while working on my doctorate in Counselor Education and Supervision. I was co-teaching courses in family systems. In my spare time, I was also learning new ideas about unconditional love and healthy families from my teacher and friend, Liana Shanti. All of a sudden, I found myself in conflict.
As Liana’s teaching grew, my world view and understandings of a healthy family changed through the years. There was no doubt I had been raised in a dysfunctional family and one that fit the definition of cult well. I began to question everything and learn all that I could. Thankfully Liana came out with programs to help her students. You can find them at www.lianashanti.com. Click on core wound programs. I highly recommend all three and understand these are not one-and-done programs. It may take you to go through them many times before you can access the depth of your wounding. I can say, healing these wounds changed my life, and I had no idea how many layers I would go through before the wounding was healed.
This program, Family Cult recovery, is not a healing program. I would recommend you do some healing first to gain the most insight. Your wounds do not need to be healed to do this program. This program is to open dialogue about family cults and dysfunctional families versus healthy families. I will give you tools, strategies, and resources to help you decide how you want to live your life. Do you want to stay in the toxicity, choose to leave your birth family, or the relationship you are in that is continuing the toxic lineage, affecting you and your children if you have them?
Program begins May 24, 2022. Enroll here.
