Layers of dysfunction in our families grow generation by generation
The layers of dysfunction in our families grow generation by generation until we choose to change and stop the toxicity.
How do we see the layers of family dysfunction (#Familycult) in our world today? For a moment, look back at your childhood. Did both of your parents meet your wants and needs? Did you have unconditionally loving parents who acknowledged you, listened to you, were present, guided not dictate what your life would be like, and were always supportive to your choices? Did you live in a home free from spanking, time-outs, authoritarian parenting, being told how to dress, wear your hair, and who your friends could and could not be? Was there emotional, physical, and sexual abuse? What about competition between siblings, or even you against one of your parents?
All of this is dysfunctional and continues generation after generation. These patterns lead us to choose our partners. As those patterns escalate, we find ourselves in many situations, often in family court. Sadly, family court seldom is about the family. Children are being harmed daily by choices being made.
Did you know that in 2021, the number of children murdered by separating or divorcing parents (or caregivers) has increased from 758 to 810 children. Of the 810 children, 111 of the murders were preventable (family court system failure). In these cases, a custody court rejected the other parent’s plea for protection. Seriously, one is too many.
Dysfunctional families have one parent and often both who are all about power and control. When that is what we grew up with, is it no surprise that it is what we become attracted to in our adult relationships? Many of these relationships will mirror our parents, but often, with each generation, they become worse. The numbers for intimate partner violence and domestic abuse are increasing. Child abuse is rampant. It all begins with recognizing the layers of the family cult. Hence why, www.familycultrecovery.com was born.
My teacher, Liana Shanti, has walked through my story of dysfunction in my family and my adult life. The layers were intense. I've yet to meet anyone who hasn't experienced dysfunction in their families.
For many families, once a parent decides to leave, the abuse doesn't end. You now enter the phase of post-separation abuse. If you are considering leaving, check out my free safety plan template on the family cult recovery website. It's important to have one before doing anything regarding leaving. In post-separation abuse, the parent leaving feels the wrath first. Soon, it moves to the children to extort control and begin an assault on the parent who isn't abusive, narcissistic, or hurting the children. They may live in a cloud of PTSD, but they will fight for their children.
These cases then end up in court. Common sense would say it would be easy to see which parent should raise the children. Sadly, this isn't happening. In many of these cases, the more vocal the parent is that isn't harming the child, the more risk they and the children are in. We see this daily. I've seen it happen to people (both men and women I've cared about. I have numerous friends experiencing family court right now, and it is horrendous what they are going through, Pray daily for the safety of our children.
In court, the parent who isn't abusing, harming, or scaring their children finds out quickly:
They can no longer shelter their child from abuse.
They are subject to victim-blaming from family court professionals: “You married him (or her), this isn’t our problem.”
Their abuser’s “rights” trump their child’s rights to safety.
Their children are divided up like property.
They are both unfairly labeled as high conflict.
It's utter nonsense. The first and second role of the parent is to nurture and protect. It is difficult to do when you are going up against your ex and the courts.
Educate yourself this month about what is really happening to children in these court cases, then use your voice. It's needed.
