Exposing Family Cults is a responsibility
For the past six years, I've spoken up about the abuse that was in the family I grew up with. I've had people who knew my family ask, why are you speaking now in your late 50s versus when it happened. This question used to tick me off. Look within yourself. Have you spoken up about yours?
Topics of abuse have always made people cringe. For a long time, I didn't think what had happened to me was abuse or wrong or that it was affecting every aspect of my life. Abuse changes you. You lose trust in others and in yourself. You have doubts, fear, anxiety, and layers of PTSD. Yet, we seldom fully understand or acknowledge the damage being done as our childhoods are normal to us.
Here is the reality: ABUSE is not normal.
Take a moment and ask yourself what your definition of abuse is. Does it include physical, sexual, emotional, and neglect? If it doesn't sit with it and ask yourself why not.
I experienced all of the above. The abuse happened within my family, with the Catholic Church, the education system, and as a young adult with a person in law enforcement. My experiences began in infancy and, in many ways, never ended until I divorced.
Every experience shaped me. I honestly thought what I experienced was normal and happened to every other person I knew in one way or another. I saw friends, neighbors' kids, cousins, and classmates experience being slapped, hit with belts, grounded, told to shut up, ignored, blamed for things they didn't do, left alone, and allowed to make unsafe decisions, but hey, everyone was doing it. I knew of friends being sexually abused, and because I had experienced that too, I normalized it until one day, I didn't.
My experiences have led to all sorts of dysfunction in my life. I became a perfectionist, a master of control and manipulation. I had to be correct, hence why I always was studying for this degree or that one. I realize today it wasn't the degree I wanted. It acknowledged my "knowing it all" in many different subject areas. I know a lot about various subjects, but none of them made me happy. I was looking for contentment and acceptance, but here's what I learned. Those come from within. No one can give that to you but yourself. I ended up with a lot of physical sicknesses, unhappy relationships, ongoing family drama, and tons of resentment. It was an endless cycle of abuse until I said no more.
I have been fortunate. I found a teacher/mentor/friend, @lianashanti, who began challenging me to see life differently. Her teachings are Jesus's teachings (his teachings, not religion). The wounding we have experienced in our childhoods if we did not grow up in homes with unconditional love, parents healing or healing, having our needs met, firm boundaries, healthy coping mechanisms, and knowing every day how amazing you are and how gifted.
In the past few years, I have been unlearning, surrendering, and letting go of blame, shame, and guilt. I have begun to understand the importance of forgiveness to others and myself in new ways. I have learned I matter and that what happened to me is criminal, yet most or all of my abusers are dead. Staying quiet is what any child who has been abused has learned. How many of us heard phrases such as "what happens in this house stays in this house?" How many of us were threatened to stay silent? Maybe you were promised gifts, trips, or given money. As you reflect on my words, look at your adult relationships. Do they look similar to your childhood?
Are you still unable to speak up? Do you make decisions for yourself? Are you financially independent? If you have children, are they free to speak up, have different opinions, and make choices other than what you want for them? Are they spanked, grounded, sitting in time out, ignored, or do they hear you telling them they were a mistake, useless, a pain in the ass, or worse? Check yourself. Look at your patterns. They very well may be what you experienced. Mine were.
Through Liana's teachings and guidance, I have looked at everything. Healing is ongoing, daily. Liana's teachings led me to create www.familycultrecovery.com. A business dedicated to bringing awareness to the family cults we grew up with and the dysfunction they have created. The damage that has been done and continues to be done by #familycults is destroying many.
Liana finally said enough and began speaking louder with Jesus's words, "I have come to set the world on fire, and I wish it were already burning." "Do you think I have come to bring peace to earth? No, I have come to divide people against each other! From now on, families will be split apart, three in favor of me and two against – or two in favor and three against.
Jesus's words and teachings have led Liana to challenge us to do the same. She has begun another new endeavor www.exposingfamilycults.com. Check it out. Speak up. Speak loud. Be empowered. Hold no blame, shame, or guilt. Forgive and heal you and your soul.
#exposingfamilycults #sexualabuse #physicalabuse #emotionalabuse #narcissiticabuse #neglect #religiouscult #educationalcults #legalcults #familydysfunction #boundaries #toxicrelationships #fear #anxiety #depression #endthecycles
